People ask if I am "healed?"

4/2/ 2010

The news was better than I even expected. There is virtually no sign of my leukemia and yet I can not call my self healed. My type of cancer is incurable, that is a strange thought. Much like sin itself. Jesus takes my sins away, all of them, past, present and future and yet the incurable sin remains. Sometimes it is not even recognizable sometimes it is eating through my whole being.



I seemingly have been spared for another length of time. I asked my doctor if the aggressiveness of my type of CLL would affect the length of the remission and he said that is shouldn't at all. It had been almost three years exactly from the time I was diagnosed until I needed my first treatment. Dr. Gross, (my doctor) said he didn't think it should effect it at all. I asked if he thought I could have at least three more years before my next treatment and he said it could even be more. Those of us that have incurable diseases know the Russian Roulette type feeling that comes with medical check ups i.e. "will this be the time that the numbers are growing too fast or too aggressively.

I am very grateful and yet there are parts of me that wonder. What do I really need to be doing with this time. What is good stewardship of my time. How far have I missed what God had in mind when he created me. Pray for direction and be thankful..